All the players in this situation have yet to be discussed so bear with me while I explain what happened. Eventually they will all be talked about, in great detail. But for now, I want to recount what happened before I lose it in my memory.
I was recently broken up with. It was about a month ago and for the first time in my life, my heart was severely mutilated by the experience. It was made ten times worse when, two weeks later, I found out my ex-boyfriend (referred to as Ex-Boyfriend) became amazing friends my bestfriend (referred to as Ex-Bestfriend) and her roommate (referred to as Roommate). Since then, it's safe to say that I am not friends with either of those girls nor my ex anymore (although Roommate and I still chat occasionally; she really isn't too bad).
The fourth player in this situation is a boy in the dating pool. I'll call him #1 because he was the first one to ask me out a mere four days after the breakup. He was really a sweet boy with a good heart and tried everything he could to give me the space I needed so I could get over Ex-Boyfriend while keeping himself present in my life.
I realized over the weekend that I needed to break it off with #1. He seemed to be perfect for me, exactly my type, but I just didn't feel that pull that I had with my ex and that's really what I'm constantly searching for. I decided to tell him after the class we had together, Junior Year Writing. A class that Ex-Bestfriend and Roommate happened to be in.
#1, as he always does, offered to give me a ride back to my dorm after class. I accepted gratefully, ready to take advantage of the opportunity to talk to him. I asked if he minded waiting a minute while I used the restroom, and as gentlemanly as ever, assured me it was fine. When I emerged, the lecture hall was deserted.
We exited together, and #1 immediately made a grab for my hand. I visibly pushed it away and said, "I think we need to have a little chat."
#1 had been waiting for this moment. "Yeah," he said, "I know."
"I promise, it's not you. I am just not ready to rush into anything with another guy. I thought I was ready to get back on my feet but what I really need now is just time to get over my ex."
It was at that precise moment that I heard someone from behind me say, "Hey, Coquette*."
I looked over, and there stood Ex-Boyfriend in the flesh. It was the first time I had seen him in about three weeks. I had unfriended him, Ex-Bestfriend and Roommate all on Facebook so I wouldn't even be tempted to see how he was. And there he stood, with Ex-Bestfriend and Roommate, wearing a white sweatshirt I recognized and gym shorts. He had obviously just been working out.
I was positive that they had seen and heard everything. #1 was talking to me but all I could hear was the blood rushing in my head. My heart was beating fast, my palms were sweating. What do I do? What do I say?"Hey."
The most nonchalant thing I could think of. It went along with a slight smile and a head nod. I continued walking with #1, letting Ex-Boyfriend, Ex-Bestfriend and Roommate fade into the distance.
"That was just my ex," I told #1.
"What? Where?" #1 hadn't noticed the small transaction to happen. He looked behind us and caught his first site of Ex-Boyfriend.
#1 and I continued talking about my inability to be in a relationship while I shook and tried to recover. Questions spiraled through my mind. Had Ex-Boyfriend really heard and seen everything? Did he know I wasn't completely over him now? Would he try and say hello to me every time I saw him on campus? Did I want him to say hello if I did see him? #1 was sweet as always, held my hand and told me it would be fine. He rubbed my shoulder trying to help me calm the shakes down. As we pulled away from the lecture hall, I took one last fleeting glance at Ex-Boyfriend wondering if I will ever be completely over him.
*Coquette is not my real name, just how I will be referring to myself on the blog.
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